Your Story Isn't Over.
"You have the most perfect life. The adoring husband, three beautiful children, and everything just looks so beautiful and perfect!"
I smiled through clinched teeth, and held back the tears as far as the car till I broke down.
While this is true, I have beautiful children, and a husband who is wonderful. My life is full of blessings that I don't deserve, yet the Lord has proved to be such a giving God, over and over again.
Yet I couldn't help but cringe because my life is far from perfect, and that particular day I had experienced a panic attack, and was having one of my low days.
You see, I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, and Insomnia. I wont go into the details to the root of these other then I have faced many traumas in my life, and still find myself suffering.
So I have high days, and then I have low days. I have lost friends because they mistake my actions as selfish, and being a terrible friend, when there are days I find myself begging and pleading with myself to simply get out of bed. You can find me in the middle of the crowd, laughing and being the life of the party. But you may also see me pacing, and having a panic attack because I feel like the world is crushing my chest.
You aren't alone, if you're reading this through tears and your soul is breaking. Its okay, to not be okay. Its okay to understand your needs and limits. Its okay to lay down, defeated, and pray to the Lord for peace and comfort. Don't beat yourself up, you are enough. Don't listen to the voice in your head that says you aren't. Its okay to say, you need help. Its okay to say you give up, and give it to Jesus. You don't have to do this alone.
I want to leave you with this verse, that I cling too when I'm struggling. I want to encourage you to put it some place you can reach in moments you need it most.
Never stop praying friend, be patient and trust in the Lord. He is a good and loving God. Hold onto His hope. Your story isn't over.
Love,
Veronica Rene'e
I smiled through clinched teeth, and held back the tears as far as the car till I broke down.
While this is true, I have beautiful children, and a husband who is wonderful. My life is full of blessings that I don't deserve, yet the Lord has proved to be such a giving God, over and over again.
Yet I couldn't help but cringe because my life is far from perfect, and that particular day I had experienced a panic attack, and was having one of my low days.
This was from our recent family get away.
This was a high day.
Anything outdoors makes this mama happy!
You see, I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, and Insomnia. I wont go into the details to the root of these other then I have faced many traumas in my life, and still find myself suffering.
So I have high days, and then I have low days. I have lost friends because they mistake my actions as selfish, and being a terrible friend, when there are days I find myself begging and pleading with myself to simply get out of bed. You can find me in the middle of the crowd, laughing and being the life of the party. But you may also see me pacing, and having a panic attack because I feel like the world is crushing my chest.
This is what having a mental illness looks like.
I can't tell you when I had showered, brushed my hair or went out of the house other then to take my kids to school and pick them up. It looks like piled up house work and unmade beds. It looks like long nights of doubting yourself, wondering why, and tears. It looks like quiet hours because you have no energy to carry on a conservation and when your phone rings you begin to panic because you fear letting people down if you say no to plans, or can't carry on a conversation because you just want to lay down and talk to Jesus.
And it also looks like this.
Confidence, on top of the world and nothing can stop you. It looks like motivation and going into public and having upbeat conversations with strangers. It looks like making plans with no fear and following through with commitments. It looks like the life of the party, and laughter whenever you are. It looks like encouragement, hope, love, laughter.
You aren't alone, if you're reading this through tears and your soul is breaking. Its okay, to not be okay. Its okay to understand your needs and limits. Its okay to lay down, defeated, and pray to the Lord for peace and comfort. Don't beat yourself up, you are enough. Don't listen to the voice in your head that says you aren't. Its okay to say, you need help. Its okay to say you give up, and give it to Jesus. You don't have to do this alone.
He is the only One who death bows too. That's the God who walks with you.
Be kind to yourself.
I want to leave you with this verse, that I cling too when I'm struggling. I want to encourage you to put it some place you can reach in moments you need it most.
Romans 12:12 (CEV)
Let your hope make you glad. Be patient in time of trouble and never stop praying.
Never stop praying friend, be patient and trust in the Lord. He is a good and loving God. Hold onto His hope. Your story isn't over.
Love,
Veronica Rene'e
To my friends and family who have walked with me through this journey, thank you. Thank you for understanding me. Thank you encouraging me. Thank you for greeting me with grace. Thank you for uplifting me. Thank you for being my light in dark moments. Thank you for not giving up on me.
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